


3:52am

by jjaeniel



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, nurse!jihoon, trauma surgeon!woojin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 19:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15516456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjaeniel/pseuds/jjaeniel
Summary: its 3:52am when woojin finally caves, calling the one person he knows can calm him down enough to get at least 2 hours of sleep.





	3:52am

**Author's Note:**

> oof ok so this was originally a fic for another fandom that i had posted on here but i decided to delete that and change it to 2park bc im me and have been rly enjoying 2park lately... i hope u enjoy this short lil thing uwu

woojin only lets himself feel the losses at night. 

he only lets himself feel them deep into the night, when the neighborhood is asleep and the apartment is as quiet as it can possibly be, feeling like he’s stuck in some liminal space rather than his own room. sometimes, not even the thought of knowing he has to be awake at 6am is enough to get him out of his own head, stuck remembering losses long overdue for mourning, for feeling _something_ over – for acknowledging at all. 

people in the hospital joke, saying that woojin feels nothing and that's what makes him such a good doctor, the best of the best, the one always calm under pressure no matter _what_ happens. they say even if the person he loves most were in the state of the people he helps everyday, he’d be calm. cool. collected. 

they don't know woojin spends hours staring at a wall in the middle of the night, mind racing but feeling like hes not thinking at all, wondering what he could've done better, how he could've saved them, if he really did all he possibly could like he vowed to do on day one. 

being a trauma surgeon, losses are inevitable. hell, being any surgeon has a possibility of losses. they all know the feeling, the pain of losing someone on the table or even later on, when things should be getting better, like surgery was _supposed_ to help. 

but the human body is fickle, finding any and every way to confuse surgeons at the worst of times. sometimes, everything will go perfectly– textbook even –and the power trips from those surgeries are like nothing else. then there are those other times, when nothing goes right at all, when the people who are supposed to help you - _save_ you - are left at a loss of what the _fuck_ to do. those are the ones that stick to surgeons, like the gum on the bottom of your shoe that's nearly impossible to get off. sure, you can try, maybe manage to get a sizeable amount off, but it never _fully_ comes off. 

don’t get him wrong, woojin loves his job. loves it more than anything in the world, loves it more than how much he used to love soccer when he was little, more than his first relationship he thought would last forever, more than the dog he grew up with. 

at times, the losses pile up so much woojin wonders if that love is worth it. 

sometimes, woojin wishes he could be more like jisung. minhyun. seongwu. hell, even _sungwoon_ was better at dealing with his losses than woojin.

he knows he fucked up this time. he did everything he could, he knows this, but he really fucked up.

 

his first mistake: _getting attached._

she was a mother of three, begging woojin to make sure no matter what that her kids, her _babies_ would be safe. woojin promised. 

his second mistake: _promising things he can't guarantee._

it's a rule to never promise things you can't, especially when you’re responsible for another person's _life._ while he knows he can guarantee her kids safety (hopefully with the help of the nice pediatric nurses), he can’t guarantee she’ll live. he promised her anyway. 

his third mistake: _getting too frantic to save her._

any surgeon, hell anyone who wasn’t even a doctor, could figure out she had no chance. too many injuries, too much blood loss, not enough people, new things popping up before old things could be resolved. woojin couldn’t stop the panic from bubbling up in his chest in the operating room, yelling out orders like some sort of tyrant. he was tense, doing any and everything he remembered how to in the moment.

he held her hand all throughout other doctors coming in and out of the examination room, doing all they could. he told her he would save her, keep her safe, keep her _alive._ he still doesn’t understand why. _(for her kids? because of the scared look in her eyes? the fact she reminded him vaguely of someone he loved dearly, someone he lost? he doesn’t know. he doesn’t think he ever will.)_

woojin promised, to her face, he could - _would_ \- save her. surgeons don’t make promises they can't keep. woojin did.

its 3:52am when woojin finally caves, calling the one person he knows can calm him down enough to get at least 2 hours of sleep.

the soft sleepy “ _hello?_ ” is enough to get woojin to finally _breathe_. he manages a weak “hi” back, feeling more pathetic by the second. while he knows jihoon would never judge him for how fucked up he gets over this sometimes, it doesn't stop him from feeling guilty. they both have to get up soon, to do their jobs, save lives. 

“what’s wrong?” is what jihoon chooses to start with, knowing woojin calling him any time after midnight means he's stuck in his own head, barely registering what’s going on. they've known each other long enough for jihoon to know him like the back of his own hand. this has happened enough throughout the years for jihoon to know what it means. 

“i fucked up bad today,” woojin says quietly, deciding to get straight to the point over beating around the bush like most people would. he's too tired - mentally and physically - to bother with prolonging this. 

sighing and sitting up in order to help keep him awake, jihoon mentally prepares himself for a long call. woojin hasn't woken him up like this in months, and jihoon heard snippets of what happened hours prior thanks to his fellow nurses who loved to gossip. woojin always had gotten too attached to people with kids, wanting to do everything to keep their family as it was a day ago. 

“it was a car crash, i think,” woojin breathes out, his voice barely above a whisper. “she’s --” he chokes out, “she was a mother of three. i think she reminded me of someone but i’m- i’m not really sure. i think that's why i cared so much,” he continues, not being able to stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

for the most part, jihoon stays quiet, allowing woojin to get out all he needs to get out. after a good few minutes, the other side of the line goes silent and jihoon is just about to respond with something encouraging, maybe even a little cliche, when he hears a quiet _”i don’t wanna go to work tomorrow,”_ and freezes. sure, woojin has had his moments, his doubts and fears about how good he is at his job. this, though, woojin sounding so broken and tired enough to say he doesn’t want to go to work, is new to jihoon. he doesn’t know how to react. 

“you don't have to go in tomorrow, wooj,” jihoon says quietly, the nickname from their college years rolling off his tongue effortlessly. “all doctors deserve a day off, _especially_ after something so draining. you can take off, you know that right? no one would be mad.” 

“yeah but i- i have _things_ to do tomorrow, patients to see to make sure they're doing okay and- and i can't just _take off_ , hoon,” woojin responds, sounding more distressed at the idea the longer he goes on. “i just… i can't.”

“do you think anyone would want to be treated by a doctor in your current state? wooj, you're upset, you’re distracted, and you have too much on your mind. two hours of sleep isn't gonna change that, _twelve_ hours of sleep isn't gonna change that. you know better than anyone a distracted doctor isn’t a good doctor,” jihoon replies, sighing internally at woojin being so stubborn. jihoon always was his voice of reason, anyway.

its 4:15am when jihoon hears the soft hiccup, the muffled sob and the brokenly whispered, _“i’m scared if i don't go back tomorrow i won't go back at all,”_ and feels his heart constrict painfully. his words are failing him now, he knows this, so he goes with the only thing he knows how to do best. 

“woojin, do you think you’ll be okay alone for 10 minutes? i’m gonna come over but i’ll have to hang up while driving. unless you won’t be, then i’ll break all the laws. you know i would, for you,” jihoon says, voice getting softer towards the end of the sentence. “you can play one of those phone games you’re obsessed with, and honestly spend too much money on if we’re being honest.”

that gets a small laugh out of woojin, weak but there and jihoon feels a small sense of relief rush through him. as long as woojin’s laughing, he’ll be okay. jihoon knows.

“i’ll be okay. just… get here fast please,” woojin says quietly, sniffling. the coil of anxiety in jihoon’s stomach returns, knowing woojin wouldn’t let jihoon come over this easily unless he felt completely awful. 

“i’ll be there in 10, i promise,” jihoon replies, already getting up and ready. “are you hungry at all?” he decides to ask, knowing food helps (at least for him anyway).

he hears that small laugh again, a soft _”i promise i’m okay hoonie, please just get here,”_ and another hiccup as jihoon makes his way out the door and down to the parking garage under his apartment building. he’s endlessly worried, but at least woojin doesn't sound as _broken_ as before. 

“alright alright, I’m comin’,” jihoon says with a laugh, knowing he's being a little ridiculous babying woojin so much. he gets into the driver's seat and closes the door, ending the call with a, _“10 minutes, i'll be there in 10 minutes i promise, i love you so much,”_ and starts his car. 

getting to woojin’s apartment isn’t too hard, not too far from his own but far enough to be annoying during rush hour. at this time of night though, its an easy drive, one jihoon does with practiced ease.

on the way there, jihoon takes a minute to think about him and woojin’s relationship. they weren’t dating but they surely weren’t… not involved. jihoon loved woojin, more than anything, and woojin the same, but neither found it important to stamp a label on something. they had careers to focus on, patients to tend to, long hours spent apart. they didn’t need a label, but they knew they were each others. it was simple to them. 

it takes all of 7 minutes for jihoon to get to woojin’s, not caring if he’s speeding. quickly finding a parking space in the garage and getting out, he punches in the code to woojin’s apartment complex, knowing it as well as his own at this point. it doesn't take long for him to get up to the 9th floor, even shorter for him to get to the 6th apartment on the left. he doesn’t even bother knocking, not wanting to wake anyone else on woojin’s floor up. 

letting himself into the apartment with his spare key, he doesn’t expect it to be completely pitch black. woojin knew he was coming after all, jihoon just assumed he would’ve gotten up and turned on the hall light, or even the bathroom light just so jihoon wouldn’t be completely blind. it doesn’t really matter though, jihoon knows the apartment like the back of his hand. much like he knows woojin’s apartment complex, way to his house, his daily routine, his life, his trains of thought. he knows woojin better than he knows himself, sometimes (he chooses not to think about what that means).

what he doesn’t know, is just how broken up woojin is, curled up on the left side of his bed (as usual), in the smallest ball jihoon’s ever seen. he didn’t even know woojin could _get_ that tiny. 

“hey,” jihoon says softly, stepping into the room, the only light illuminating it coming from the moon outside. “i’m here now wooj, if you need anything.”

it takes woojin a while to respond, long enough for jihoon to think he’s fallen asleep in the time it took him to get here. when woojin finally does respond, all he says is a broken, _“you,”_ and jihoon feels his heart shatter a little more. it's different, being in person. woojin sounds so much more tired, defeated, upset, shaken up right down to his bones. 

stepping across the room quietly, feeling as if any noise other than breathing would ruin something more, jihoon climbs under the covers. the right side, _his_ side, jihoon thinks.

jihoon moves over as carefully as he can so he’s face to face with woojin, as close as he can get without touching him but still feel the little puffs of air fan across his face. he needs the security that woojins’ still breathing, there with him, at least physically if not mentally. he’ll take what he can get. 

“wooj?” jihoon whispers, feeling like only the college nickname would fit at this moment. soft and caring. woojin needs soft and caring right now. 

woojin lets out a soft noise, letting jihoon know he's listening. 

“i love you lots. even if you mess up. even if you lose patients and promise things you think you shouldn’t. even if you decide tomorrow you don't wanna be a doctor and say you wanna move to a remote country i’d be there for you. hell, i’d go with you, you know? i really love you so much. too much, sometimes i think. doesn’t matter. i love you till the ends of the earth.” jihoon whispers, feeling a lump form in his throat but swallowing it down. he can’t cry, not right now. 

jihoon isn’t expecting the arms that wrap around his torso, the head getting tucked under his chin, the sob sounding out into the crook of his neck. it takes him a minute to process but when he does, he holds woojin as tightly as he can without completely crushing him, immediately moving a hand up to the hair at the back of his head. he tries to mimic the movements his mom used to use on him to calm him down, whether it be from a fight with his brother or a scraped knee from going to fast on his bike and wiping out. 

jihoon’s never been in this position before, in all his years of knowing woojin. normally this is the other way around, jihoon the one crying and needing comfort. he feels out of his element. he catches pieces of sentences woojin is letting out between sobs, his tears completely soaking the collar of jihoon's shirt.

to say jihoon’s worried is an understatement, feeling a semblance of fear run through him. he hears words like, _“i was… she was so… scared… hoon her kids, god what about the kids,”_ and wants nothing more than to wipe the tears from woojin’s face, shush him until all his worries are gone, take everything that's troubling him and crumple it into a ball. throw it far, far away. jihoon wants nothing more than for woojin to be _okay._ It's all he ever wants. 

for now though, jihoon will hold woojin while he cries. hold him until he’s all cried out and hiccuping. hold him until he whines that he’s sweaty and hungry. 

later, when the sun has already risen, jihoon will make pancakes while woojin yells at him to hurry from the bedroom, while doing nothing to help. later, jihoon and woojin will talk in depth about what's happened, about everything from these past few months. later, woojin will feel better than he has in years, and jihoon will have fallen more in love than he thought possible. woojin’s in the same boat. if jihoon gives woojin butterfly kisses until he's laughing and calling him ridiculous, no one comments. 

they’ll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading! :D
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/nwnist)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/nwnist)


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